Losing my dad at the tender age of 19 was a watershed moment in my life. It was not just a simple farewell; it was the abrupt end of a foundational relationship that had shaped who I was and how I viewed the world. My dad, despite his struggles with alcoholism and mental illness, was someone I loved deeply. I was, by all accounts, "daddy's little girl." When he died unexpectedly in a tragic farming accident, it felt as though a part of my own identity had been ripped away. I was left grappling with grief in my last trimester of pregnancy when most of my peers were exploring the freedoms of adulthood—a harsh reality of life and death.
Kyle was born just two months after his passing. The birth of our sweet little boy brought such profound joy. It felt almost surreal in contrast to my sorrow. Here I was, embracing the miracle of new life while also mourning the death of my dad. An emotional upheaval; a juxtaposition of joy and sorrow, oscillating between celebration and despair, joy and heartbreak. It was like my heart was being pulled in two opposing directions.
Each moment of laughter and wonder with my newborn was overshadowed by memories of my dad—his laughter, his love, his struggles. I found myself reflecting not just on what it meant to be a parent but also on the not-so-great legacy my father had left behind. I felt the weight of responsibility to nurture my son in a way that honoured the lessons I had learned through my turbulent upbringing. I grappled with the fear of repeating patterns of pain and trauma that had marked my dad's life. I yearned to break free from the cycle of suffering that had characterized my dad's relationship with both himself and my relationship with life, even though I had absolutely no idea even where to begin.
As I look back on the past 35 years since my dad's death, I realize how profoundly his life and struggles have shaped my journey as a parent and as an individual. Losing my dad at 19 was not just a loss; it was the beginning of a painful yet necessary awakening to the realities of life, love, and resilience.
Take the lessons, not the path
By deciding to take the lessons rather than the paths laid before us, we empower ourselves to create a future that is aligned with our values and worthiness. Life is shaped not just by our circumstances but by the choices we make in response to them. The lessons learned from my dad's struggles and my own journey through grief have revealed the transformative power of choice—an empowering tool that allows us to navigate the complexities of our lives.
My dad's life, like mine and so many others, was a mix of struggles and love. His path was fraught with hardship and joy. His struggles with alcoholism and mental illness could have easily dictated my own life, shaping my identity and limiting my potential. Instead, I chose to learn from his life, using his legacy to build my own path.
The power of choice extends beyond personal experiences; it is a gift we all possess. Each decision we make—whether big or small—shapes the narrative of our lives. In moments of uncertainty, we can choose to act with courage. In moments of pain, we can choose to seek healing. Where there is struggle, we can choose to find strength. And in the face of adversity, we can choose to emerge as advocates for change—both for ourselves and for those around us. We can choose to love.
- What lessons have I learned from my past, and how can I use them to shape my future?
- What values do I want to live by, and how can I remind myself of them every day?
- How can I support myself and others in choosing love and healing during tough times?
Transform pain into purpose
From the very moment I held Kyle, I understood that my choices would shape not only my future but also the kind of legacy I wanted to leave for him. In that pivotal moment of motherhood, I made a deliberate decision to live a better life for him—an unconscious blueprint for hope and my own healing.
When I opened my business, this choice to transform pain into purpose crystallized further. I envisioned a space where others could learn from the struggles I had navigated. Each challenge I faced became a teaching moment—an opportunity to illuminate paths forward for others who may be grappling with their own pain. By sharing my story, I aim to show that it’s possible to rise from adversity and cultivate a life aligned with one’s values and their inherent worthiness.
It has become the cornerstone of my mission. My greatest intention is to create a community where vulnerability is met with support and healing is celebrated. Through retreats, mentorship, transformational programs, and open conversations during my coaching sessions, I’ve sought to help others see that their experiences do not define them; instead, those experiences can serve as powerful catalysts for growth and connection.
- How can I turn my past pain into a source of strength and inspiration for myself and others?
- What steps can I take to ensure my choices reflect the legacy I want to leave for my loved ones?
- What unique gifts do I have that can help others navigate their own struggles and find their purpose?
In the end, the choice is always ours
It requires courage to face our past, but in doing so, we reclaim our narrative, illuminating paths forward that are rooted in compassion and understanding—toward ourselves and others. My dad's death taught me that we can either be shaped by our circumstances or use them to shape who we want to become. Choosing to take the lessons from our experiences helps us to heal and grow, turning our struggles into stepping stones toward a more fulfilling life.
When we take ownership of our choices, we unlock endless possibilities and the opportunity to create a legacy that honours both our past and our future, as well as the people we are fortunate to love and who love us—a legacy of light.