The loss of someone we love is one of the most profound experiences we can endure, and for me, the death of my dad was a pivotal moment that reshaped my understanding of life, love, and what comes after we take our last breath. As a medium, I often experienced the presence of loved ones on the other side, whether those close to me or others who were more random. Even before I began working professionally, my experiences with the other side had convinced me that when we cross over, we retain our essence in the spiritual realm—that life after death is 100% real.
However, after my dad passed, I was not able to sense his presence at all. While I continued to connect with other spirits, the one person I longed to connect with the most felt completely out of reach. I wanted nothing more than to feel my dad with me, I yearned for a sign, something, just one message that would reassure me he was still nearby, that he was still with me. Yet, day after day, I faced an overwhelming silence that felt unnaturally heavy, as if a barrier had been placed between us. It felt like a betrayal of the bond we had shared. I was resentful, not just toward the spirit world, I resented being a medium, and I resented God for taking him— I resented the universe for taking my father away too soon, leaving me feeling vulnerable and lost. I couldn't help but wonder if dad was somehow choosing to stay away, leaving me in this painful limbo or if he was unable to reach me for some reason, stuck in a place I couldn’t follow. The thought tormented me—was he trapped, or was he was unable to reach me for some reason, stuck in a place I couldn’t follow? Was it my own inability to connect that was the problem? My faith wavered.
What I wasn't aware of at the time, still naive in my understanding of the spirit world, was the fact that it was my grief and resentment that was creating a barrier to receiving him. It wasn't that my abilities were faltering, it was my emotional state that was affecting the connection. I had always believed that as a medium, my abilities were solely rooted in a natural state of receptivity. It hadn’t occurred to me that the energy I carried within me—the swirling emotions of loss, anger, and confusion—could interfere with my connections to the other side. I was overlooking the profound impact that my emotional turmoil had on the channeling process.
Grief is a complex and powerful emotion; it can manifest as a dense fog, clouding not only our minds but our hearts and souls. In my case, the intensity of my sorrow and longing for my dad had become so overwhelming that it impacted my ability to connect with the spiritual realm. Without realizing it, I was holding onto my grief like a lifeline, convinced that this intensity was a tribute to my love for him. But the truth was, my emotional state was a barricade, casting shadows between worlds. I trapped within my own pain. Love is not just a feeling but an energy that needs to flow freely to connect us to those who have passed.
When we grieve, we often put up protective walls around our hearts to shield ourselves from further pain. This protective instinct can inadvertently obstruct the very connections we seek. The fear of encountering my own vulnerability or facing the reality of his absence rendered me less receptive to the signs and messages he may have been trying to send. It wasn't that he wasn't there. My emotional state had created a wall between us; I was so consumed by my loss that I couldn’t attune myself to the subtler frequencies of his spirit.
Healing my own heart was essential to welcoming his spirit back into my life. I had to let go of the resentment that was tethering me to this grief-stricken space. Acknowledging my emotions—both the good and the painful—was crucial. It became clear to me that it wasn’t just about wanting to connect; it was also about creating the space within myself for that connection to flourish.
Mediums Are Human Too
Being in touch with the spirit world does not shield us from the raw emotions that accompany the loss of our own loved ones. In fact, because of our sensitivity to the spirit world, our grief can feel even more intense. This makes grief for a medium a unique struggle. It requires both vulnerability and resilience, navigating our sensitivity while finding ways to heal.
Our roles as mediums often involve witnessing the power and beauty of the connections between worlds, while coping with our own silence when it comes to personal losses. Even though we understand the mechanisms of the spirit realm and recognize that those we’ve lost continue to exist in another form, when it comes to our own grief, we can find ourselves facing a paradox—yearning for connection with our loved ones yet feeling isolated in our sorrow, as we struggle to bridge the gap between the material and spiritual worlds.
The nature of our work as mediums requires emotional resilience, leading some to put on a brave face even when we are in pain. We may feel pressured to remain strong for others in the midst of carrying our own burdens of loss and longing. Denying our own pain only suppresses it. I cannot stress enough how important it is that we honour our own grief as a legitimate and by prioritizing our own heart, we are inavertedly helping others. Let's face it, we cannot truly help others if we do not believe we are worthy of healing ourselves.
Embracing our emotions allows us to process the complexities of loss and rebuild our connection to the spirit world from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. By acknowledging our pain, we cultivate a deeper understanding of our clients' experiences, enhancing our ability to empathize and connect with them on a more profound level. This authenticity can lead to more meaningful interactions, as we share not only our capabilities as mediums but also our shared human experiences of love, loss, and healing.
Create Space for Your Greif
Healing grief is a deeply personal and often challenging journey. However, creating space to process your emotions can significantly help establishing a clearer connection with your own loved ones. Here are three steps to initiate that healing process:
1. Acknowledge and Express Your Emotions
- Find Safe Outlets: Allow yourself to fully experience your grief by acknowledging your emotions without judgment. It may be beneficial to write in a journal, create art, or engage in other forms of self-expression. Reflect on your feelings about your loss, your relationship with your loved one, and the impact of their absence on your life.
- Verbalize Your Thoughts: Speaking about your grief can also facilitate healing. This can be through conversations with trusted friends, support groups, or even in private sessions with a coach and healer. Sharing your experiences and emotions can release pent-up feelings and foster a sense of connection with others.
2. Create a Healing Ritual
- Set Intentions: Develop a personal ritual that honours your loved one and your grief. This could involve lighting candles, meditating, or creating a dedicated space with photographs and mementos. Set an intention to connect with the spirit world during these practices and invite your loved one to be part of your healing journey.
- Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or grounding exercises into your ritual. Being present in the moment can help clear your mind of distractions and emotional clutter, allowing you to become more receptive to subtle energies and signs from the spirit world.
3. Seek Support and Guidance
- Connect with Fellow Practitioners: Join circles or groups with other mediums or spiritual practitioners who understand your journey. Sharing experiences and techniques can provide insights into managing grief while enhancing your abilities to communicate with the spirit realm.
- Consider Professional Help: If your grief feels insurmountable, seeking assistance from someone who specializes in grief counseling can be invaluable. They can help you process your emotions constructively and teach you coping strategies, allowing you to return to your mediumship practice with a renewed sense of clarity and purpose.
By following these steps, you can start to heal your grief while building a stronger connection to the spirit world. Remember that healing is a process that takes time, and allowing yourself the grace to navigate through your emotions is essential for both your well-being and your ability to serve others as a medium. Be gentle with your heart.