Who wouldn’t want a little extra sunshine in their life? The promise of warmth and light is undeniably tempting, especially when we’re surrounded by the chaos and uncertainty of daily life. We all long for moments of joy, laughter, and positivity; they can be such a balm for the soul. The idea of staying positive and upbeat is pervasive, wrapped up in mantras like “Fake it until you make it" or from well-meaning people who say things like, "Just imagine how much better your life be if you just think positively?" Slogans like this seem both empowering and practical, suggesting that we can transform our circumstances simply through the power of our thoughts. That if we adopt a positive attitude and project happiness, we will eventually manifest it in our lives. It offers a sense of control, which our ego loves—an empowering narrative that encourages us to rise above our circumstances.
A Potential Trap
On the surface, staying positive sounds good, however, underneath this glossy veneer lies a potential trap. What if this relentless push for positivity and the belief that we must always wear a smile are, in fact, holding us back? By insisting that everything is good, we risk glossing over the complexities of our human experience. Life is not just about sunny days; it’s also about the storms that bring growth and understanding. When we prioritize a shiny, perfectly positive outlook, we inadvertently restrict our ability to engage with the deeper, sometimes uncomfortable emotions that are an integral part of being human.
The myth of positive beliefs holding any significant energetic payoff fades when we recognize how they tether us to limited perspectives. Beliefs require our energy to sustain them; they are shaped by personal perceptions that can be fluid and ever-changing. We’ve been conditioned to believe that categorizing our experiences as good will somehow preserve their essence. Yet, much like energy itself—thank you quantum physics—nothing remains static. To insist that circumstances be confined to labels of right or good is to resist the natural flow of life, denying ourselves the beauty that comes from evolution and change.
There was a time when I truly believed that if I just stayed positive, everything would change for the better. I poured my energy into crafting a cheerful mindset, reciting affirmations and clinging to optimism as if it were a lifeline. While I did experience some benefits from shifting my mindset—finding moments of happiness amidst the chaos, and learning to appreciate the little things—I unconsciously denied my pain, pushing my struggles into the shadows where they couldn’t be seen.
"Trying" to remain positive was like telling myself that my feelings were insignificant, that they didn’t deserve the attention I was giving them, that I didn't deserve the attention. I thought that by ignoring my discomfort, I could somehow transcend it which only fueled the disconnect within me. By insisting that everything was okay, I sent mixed messages to the universe, as though I were saying, "Everything is fine!" while at the same time, the energy of my feelings were like a simmering pot about to boil over, filled with unresolved pain, frustration, and confusion. A dissonance that muddled my true intentions and prayers, making it impossible for the universe to respond to my needs. Instead of manifesting the positive changes I sought, I was trapped in a cycle where my surface-level positivity masked the turbulent emotions underneath, ultimately preventing me from creating the genuine life I longed for.
Positivity took a toll on my emotional well-being. Instead of allowing myself to process my challenges and acknowledge my feelings, I put on a brave face and smiled through the pain. I convinced myself that by maintaining a positive outlook, I could manifest the changes I desired. But in reality, I was just glossing over the deeper issues that needed my attention. This struggle to balance optimism with authenticity left me feeling even more isolated and confused.
Positivity Alone is a Band-Aid Solution
The push and pull between positive and negative beliefs underscores a deeper spiritual truth: both are inherently linked, existing as two sides of the same paradoxical coin. Each signals a resistance to accepting life as it is, characterized by both joy and sorrow. Instead of promoting genuine stability and authentic experiences, positive beliefs can create an artificial sense of security, much like slapping a band-aid on a wound without addressing the cause. When we cling too tightly to positive definitions, we can inadvertently stifle our growth and the richness of our existence. Trying to live only on the positive side of life actually hinder our willingness to confront issues that require attention, both personally and collectively.
Although there can be many pitfalls associated with the relentless pursuit of positivity, some of the challenges I faced were...
Emotional Suppression: I often found that my relentless pursuit of positivity led me to suppress negative emotions. Instead of processing my true feelings, I pushed them down, which only caused emotional distress later on.
Inauthenticity: Focusing too much on being positive sometimes forced me to create a facade. I struggled to be authentic, and this disconnect between my real emotions and how I presented myself left me feeling isolated and lonely.
Avoidance of Issues: When I prioritized positivity, I tended to avoid confronting underlying issues or challenges. This avoidance impeded my personal growth and allowed unresolved problems to fester beneath the surface.
Guilt and Shame: I often felt guilty or ashamed for having negative emotions. I caught myself thinking that I should just be "grateful" or "happy," which created a toxic cycle of self-criticism and hindered my emotional healing.
Neglect of Self-Care: By focusing solely on positivity, I sometimes neglected self-care practices that honoured my emotional and physical needs, leaving me feeling unbalanced and overwhelmed.
Unrealistic Expectations: Trying to stay positive all the time set unrealistic expectations for myself and others. I was often left feeling disappointed and frustrated when life inevitably presented challenges and difficulties.
Lack of Resilience: I noticed that if I disregarded negative experiences, I struggled to develop resilience. It was through overcoming adversity that I learned strength and coping mechanisms for future challenges.
Genuine change often emerges from discomfort and adversity; it is in these moments that we challenge the status quo, re-evaluate our beliefs, that we open ourselves to greater possibilities for our life. I eventually came to understand that my feelings—whether they were joyful, angry, sad, or frustrated—were valid and essential to my journey. It became clear that true healing and growth couldn’t occur without first honouring the full spectrum of my emotions. Instead of trying to force positivity, I learned to embrace my struggles as part of my story, acknowledging that feeling pain did not diminish my capacity for joy. By allowing myself to be real, I discovered a new kind of strength that came from authenticity, which ultimately aligned me more closely with the universe and opened the door to genuine transformation.
- "What feelings am I currently experiencing, and how can I acknowledge them without judgment?"
- "In what areas of my life am I pushing aside discomfort for the sake of maintaining a positive image, and what would happen if I allowed myself to confront those feelings instead?"
- "What emotions do I often deem 'negative,' and how might these feelings actually serve a valuable purpose in my journey?"
So while a little extra sunshine is lovely, it’s essential to recognize that true fulfillment comes from embracing the whole range of human experience. By allowing ourselves to acknowledge and explore all of our emotions, we can cultivate a more authentic and vibrant existence—one that honours both the light and the shadows in our lives. It’s in this nuanced understanding of our emotional landscape that we find a powerful path to genuine growth, connection, and ultimately, a deeper sense of connection to who we truly are.