The Other F-Word

The other F-word with Bonnie Wirth

‘Forgive and Forget’; a well known saying and yet in so many situations both of these things seem practically impossible. Whether it is learning to forgive ourselves or trying to extend forgiveness to others it can be a difficult process.

Especially when people have seriously wounded or hurt us, it causes distress and deep anguish within our heart. It creates energetic resistance that gets in the way of our prayers being answered too.

When we are choosing to live an authentically real and happy life, we need to accept responsibility for the choices we have made; right, wrong, good or bad….. we all mess up sometimes AND let go of all the other crap that we are holding onto because of our experiences with others.

“Everyone knows in their heart what a loving choice is…you challenge a frightened part of your personality, one that is angry or jealous or resentful, by feeling it and choosing to act in a more conscious and considerate way.” – Linda Francis

We cannot ignore the role forgiveness plays in our life. Whether we are talking about forgiving others or our-self, it is crucial to understand the energetic power behind letting go of the funk through forgiveness and why we need to exercise it (and our bodies) regularly.

We hang on to the stories and hurtful memories sometimes for years. When someone we care about hurts us, we can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or we can choose to embrace forgiveness and move forward. Bitterness, regrets, rejection and grudges are yuck feelings we create for ourselves! This is the stuff that unhappy people are made of and this funk weighs us down; it is heavy, stale and un-serving.

• Forgiveness is NOT about saying what happened was acceptable OR does it give permission to the person to wrong you again.
• Forgiveness is NEVER about the other person; it is for YOU 100% so you can heal and move on!
• Forgiveness is letting yourself off the hook for all those past “mistakes”… the should ofs’, could ofs’, would ofs’ and the if onlys’

Forgiveness is the noblest act there is. Choosing to forgive says to the Universe that to live and love authentically is more important to you than anything.

Now I have a big enough library of stories for you, me and several other people. Trust me, they only collect dust and begin to smell stale. I had to do allot of forgiveness to get where I am; especially forgiving myself and besides….

  • What purpose is there to hanging onto these hurtful stories and memories?
  • Am I done being hurt by them? Yes!
  • Do they serve anyone? No!
  • Am I ever going to get an apology? Maybe (but when)?
  • AND I am the one who is suffers? How much sense does that make?

The bigger question became… as Byron Katie asks, “Who would I be without my story?” Well, you guessed it! Happier than I was before and on a journey to becoming authentically me.

I found it helpful to regard the people I needed to forgive as teachers. This way it will became easier for me to forgive, find the strength to move on and learn to enjoy my life. This also applied in situations where I needed to forgive myself for as well. What I discovered over time was that “those things” in my past that I judged as a mistake actually taught me something valuable.

Holding on to negative emotions can be very destructive and affects us physically, emotionally and spiritually as well as ripples into every single aspect of life. This old stagnant energy interferes immensely with our ability to move forward with anything in our lives…. it especially interferes with our happiness.

• Forgiveness is NOT about saying what happened was acceptable OR does it give permission to the person to wrong you again.
• Forgiveness is NEVER about the other person; it is for YOU 100% so you can heal and move on!
• Forgiveness is letting yourself off the hook for all those past “mistakes”… the should ofs’, could ofs’, would ofs’ and the if onlys’

If you can imagine that energetically we all carry a suitcase of old, unsettled and unforgiving “you done me wrong song”. In order to “make room in our suitcase” for what it is that we are asking for from the Universe, we have to clear out the energetic clutter.

So take a look deep within your own heart:

Who are the people you need to forgive and for what?
Why is it that you feel you can’t forgive them?
What past mistakes are you holding yourself hostage to?

Realize that by choosing not to forgive them or ourselves, we are in fact not receiving or allowing ourselves to fully experience our authenticity to the fullest. We are worth the freedom and peace that forgiveness allows.

A Super Cool Forgiveness Process!

This obviously is not something you can do all in one day.
Today I only ask that you begin.

1) Take several deep breaths and fall into the spaciousness of your heart.

2) Call into your heart-mind someone who hurt you (the first person to come to mind is where to begin…. yes! it can even be yourself)

3) Grab a pen and paper and write down all the emotions that you feel when you think of them. You may have memories that come up as you do this, allow yourself to just observe them.

4) Place your hand on your heart and say “Said Person” I am done! I am sending this energy back to you in consciousness. I command and demand myself forgiveness now”. Feel the energy shift change around and within you.

5) Take a deep breath. Check in by starting at #2 again with the same person. Continue to do this as many times as it takes to feel lighter and lighter